This is from Edmond via phone call to Kellogg’s. Boo Hoo — my fave crackers are no more.
Franco-American Macaroni and Cheese
Don’t freak out - this isn’t technically discontinued. I’m including it for the nostalgia alone and to show the name changes over the years.
Smacks is Kellogg’s way of getting sugar into your bloodstream. It’s puffed wheat coated in sugar. Post has a version (which I’ll discuss) of this as well. Consumer Reports did a study of 27 breakfast cereals in 2008 and determined that this one had the highest sugar content (50% by weight). A bowl of this shit had the same amount of sugar as a glazed donut.
This cereal has been around for 50 years, and it isn’t going anywhere anytime soon - so don’t worry. You can still get Honey Smacks or Smacks today (depending on where you live). You can’t get Sugar Smacks anymore though. If you live in Italy, Mexico or Australia, you’re out of luck almost entirely.
To be honest, this cereal tastes kinda bland to me for being so packed with sugar. The mascot was always the most interesting thing about it. I’m surprised they sold any of it with a scary-ass clown. They’ve also used bears, dogs, mutant kangaroo/mules, seals and cartoon brothers to peddle the stuff to kids, but most people will always remember Dig Em Frog.
Shark Bites were a fruit snack amidst a sea of other fruit snacks peddled by cartoon bears, ninja turtles, dinosaurs, etc… They seem healthy because of the word “fruit” and at the same time the flagrant marketing to children expresses the urgency to get this fruit nutrition into their tiny growing active bodies.
The truth is, they are all sugar-laden gummy candy disguised as a healthy-ish snack. This was one of the most popular of the fruity snack types and if you mention these to certain people they lose their mind and go back to their own childhood. You may send them into a reminisce coma if you aren’t careful. Here’s a commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjTFLp-ZCGg
And here’s a more detailed version of the box art:
Swiss Cheese Crackers… Nabisco produces some fine products and this one was apparently too awesome to continue existing - making all the other products feeling inadequate. These delicious morsels were loved by many. They had just the right amount of cheese, crunch, and texture. Many people lament the loss of this holey food. If you’re one of these hopeless souls, I’ve read you can still get them in Canada under a different brand name: “Christie Brands.” Same goes for the Bacon Crackers (which I will discuss).
Dr. Pepper Gum. Not much to say other than it tasted like Dr. Pepper, had a liquid center, and it is sorely missed. There were many other gums based on soda flavors at the time (in the 80s) - many of them had liquid centers (made popular by a gum called Freshen Up). People ate a fuck ton of gum back then.